


Full Circle

by JudyOct98



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 23:18:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20299585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JudyOct98/pseuds/JudyOct98
Summary: Jake Sisko requests an interview from Kathryn, 21 years after VGR’s return. Will he get it?





	Full Circle

Rating: PG-13/R - with some mature overtones.

Full Circle  
By J.A. Greene

Dawn love is silver,  
Wait for the west;  
Old love is gold love -   
Old love is best.  
\- Katharine Lee Bates

Jake Sisko approached the large, white farmhouse with deep blue shutters and a wraparound porch slightly apprehensive. The house stood against the mountain range in the background and was surrounded by a field of wildflowers, except for the cut grass just around the perimeter.

It was almost 21 years since the crew of Voyager came home from the Delta Quadrant. Back then, reporters from around the Alpha Quadrant clamored for stories from each crewmember. Jake himself, managed to speak with most of the crew and a couple from the senior staff. It had been chaos during those first six months after that, and like every reporter who wanted an exclusive, you had to wait your turn.

Jake had put in his request to interview Captain Janeway first thing, but his name fell far behind those with more extensive credentials at the time. By the time his name reached the top, it was just more than six months and she suddenly dropped all requests for interviews and went on an extended leave.

When she returned, she immediately fell into her new rank as a rear admiral to the Starfleet Strategy Division. All new interviews were declined, the new admiral wanted to focus on her new position.

After that, a few years passed and Jake gave up trying to get an interview with her. He managed to get interviews with other staff members over the years, including the Paris’, Harry Kim and of course, the Doctor, who was always willing to talk to anybody, especially about his quest to liberate all holograms in the quadrant.

All Janeway’s former officer’s had something special to say about her, there wasn’t anything negative they could convey. He found all had respected her and had such admiration for her, that if she called them back into service, they’d be there in a millisecond.

Then the new problem with the Romulan’s arose and her involvement with that. By then, she was a full admiral and no longer granting any interviews. The Voyager homecoming by then was old news, except for that one evening a year for the annual reunion, and the media wasn’t always invited to attend.

Suddenly, a few years ago, Admiral Janeway retired quietly from Starfleet and became incommunicado. She had disappeared from Starfleet and all those who had access to her. He had only just found out a few months before that she was living in her parent’s home in Bloomington, Indiana.

Which where he was now and hoping she’d grant him his long, overdue interview. He didn’t bother requesting this time. He decided if he just showed up to ask, she would talk to him and not slam the door in his face. He hoped.

Jake walked through the white gate located before the property that was completed with an arch and had yellow roses growing all over it and down the white stone walkway that was bordered with small clusters of anemones and dahlias in red and white.

He stepped up onto the porch and walked over to the wide front door that was painted deep blue, had an etched window with a lace curtain over it. He spotted the chime button on the side and pushed it.

Somewhere inside, he heard it ring. There wasn’t any answer as the warm air blew gently around him. He peeked through one of the side windows located beside the door to see if anybody was home. He rang the bell again, but this time he caught some movement in one of the rooms beyond.

Still, nobody came to the door. This time, he knocked, loud.

That’s when he saw a figure come through the living room on the left side and approach the door. He heard a click and the handle turned. A moment later the door cracked open slowly and he saw an older woman with white shoulder-length hair and deep blue eyes look at him.

“Admiral Janeway?” he asked, curious.

“Yes?” she asked, curious and cautious.

“I’m Jake Sisko,” he replied, “a reporter with the - ” and abruptly she slammed the door in his face. He groaned hoping this was what she wouldn’t do. He had come so far, and he wanted this interview. Determined, he knocked on the window, “please, Admiral, can I just talk to you?”

He waited for several moments and she opened the door again, wider this time. “The story’s been done,” she told him firmly, “years ago.”

“I know ma’am, but - ”

”So, why now?” she asked curiously. “I’m retired and left alone, that’s what I’ve chose. And, we’re old news.”

“Yes and no,” he said.

“Explain,” she ordered.

Jake realized, despite her age and retirement status, she still held that authoritive presence about her. He knew that if he ever had served under her command, he’d be shaking in his boots to be called on the carpet like this.

But, he’s dealt with tougher officers before and he wasn’t shaking. “The untold stories,” he replied, “of your years in the Delta Quadrant.”

Kathryn raised her eyebrow, she smirked, “there aren’t any -”

“I believe there are,” he said, she frowned at him. He continued before he could lose her attention. “The Terakus incident?”

Kathryn’s hands dropped to her sides shocked and she forced her mouth not to drop open. This was one incident she wanted to keep isolated from the Starfleet ears. Although her crew never committed the actual atrocity, she knew most of them still suffered some post traumatic disorder, including herself. She didn’t want to bring those memories back for them.

“How did you hear about that?” she asked, her voice soft.

“I can’t reveal my source, Admiral,” he said. She nodded and went to close the door. He quickly stepped forward putting his foot against the door jamb. She stopped, “but, if you tell me about it, I might be able to...drop hints.”

Kathryn was intrigued with this reporter and he was younger than Harry. “Your very persistent, Mr. Sisko,” she said, dryly.

“Thank you, ma’am,” he said proudly.

She sighed gazing up at him, debating whether or not to let him in. It had been awhile since she’d had any visitors, especially outside her family. Perhaps talking to this nice, black reporter would help. Although, she decided, that if he got too personal, she’d send him on his way.

Kathryn stepped to the side, “come in, Mr. Sisko.”

Jake tried not to show his excitement in finally being able to interview her. “Thank you,” and he walked into the foyer. She closed the door behind him as he gazed around the dim lit house. It was cool inside and decorated in a warm, country decor feel, complete with white lace curtains, white lamp shades, and throw rugs against the hard wooden floor.

“Please, sit down,” she told him, leading him into the living room on the left that had a plush sofa, two wing-back chairs, a chaise lounge, end tables, fireplace and fresh flowers in vases throughout. “Would you like some coffee?”

“That’d be nice,” he replied, “thanks.” She nodded and walked out. Just as he was about to sit down, his eye caught the mantelpiece and the nearby wall that were adorned with pictures of her crew and family.

She still hadn’t come back with the coffee, so he took the chance to walk over and gaze at each of them. He recognized most in them and guessed the others were family members.

Kathryn entered the living room from the kitchen carrying a pot of coffee, two cups, sugar cubes and milk on a serving tray. She saw him standing and looking at the pictures. She walked over to the coffee table placing the tray on it and sat down. “How do you like your coffee?”

Jake glanced over at her, “just a little milk please.” A moment later, she appeared beside him handing him his. He took it with a nod, they were quiet for a moment, “is that Neelix?”

Kathryn looked at the picture taken of Neelix in his kitchen aboard Voyager, clad in an apron and holding a wooden spoon. He was smiling his usual cheerful way and she felt her heart warm. “Oh yes,” she said, softly.

“What was he like?” he asked curiously.

“Oh, he was compassionate,” she replied, “funny, a hard worker and aimed to please everyone on board.” She smiled, “although his coffee substitutes left little to be desired.”

“What do you mean?”

She sighed, “when we first got stranded and he joined the crew, he took the initiative to take out the replicators in the messhall, except for two, and transform my private dining room into the galley.”

“He didn’t ask?” Jake asked looking at her.

Kathryn shook her head, “nope. I arrived on the other side intending to have a quiet dinner and to my shock, found a kitchen complete with stoves, food on the stoves, a cooler, shelves - needless to say, he did it all in a matter of hours.”

“What did you do?”

“What could I do?” she asked. “I demanded an explanation and he pointed out to me the rationing problem, which made sense. So, I let him keep it.”

“And the coffee?” he asked, curious. She rolled her eyes, he smiled, “what happened?”

“Well, we were out,” she stated. “And, I needed my coffee!” A soft laugh came from her, “so he poured me his first ‘substitute.’ This stuff was so thick and brown, and it literally came out of the pot like molasses.” He laughed, “I was so appalled and happened to get called to the bridge at the time. I beelined right out of there!”

“Did he ever get it right?”

“In time,” she said, “but, we worked out a rationing system for everyone each month. That allowed me my coffee each day or until I ran out.”

“So you dealt with his substitutes then?”

She shrugged, “when I had to.”

“What do you mean?” he asked curiously.

Kathryn sipped her coffee for a moment, and then sighed, “a good friend occasionally let me borrow some of his. When in need.”

Jake was curious, “who?” She didn’t respond, “Commander Tuvok?” She shook her head, and her face grew thoughtful. He glanced back at the pictures and one in particular caught his eye of her and Chakotay. “Commander Chakotay?” Then her face grew sad, she nodded and he didn’t press the issue. To keep the mood light, he sighed, “so, Neelix didn’t come with you after all?”

Kathryn gazed at him, “no. Right before we returned, a month or before, we detected a Talaxian colony located in an asteroid field. Neelix fought to keep their home from a mining species and wanted to stay. So, I made him the official ambassador to the federation for the Delta Quadrant. He then bid us goodbye and left.”

“Have you heard from him recently?”

“Not for a long time,” she replied sadly, with a sigh. “For a few years, he kept contact through the Pathfinder Project.”

“How long?”

She shrugged, “maybe, 15 years. Then, suddenly his monthly reports stopped coming and we contacted him.” Her lip trembled, “his wife, Dexa, answered.” She paused for a moment, and then sighed, “apparently in the past month, Neelix had gotten sick and died a couple of weeks earlier.” Her voice shuddered, “we convinced Dexa to continue the transmissions, and as far as I know, she has been.”

Jake stared at her, he noticed her eyes were brimming with tears. She was fighting them, “you must miss him deeply,” he said gently.

She nodded gripping her coffee more, “yes...very much.” She sighed again and glanced away, he let her collect herself.

Jake then looked back at the wall of pictures, he saw a couple of B’Elanna and Tom, then one of them after Miral was born, with Miral as an infant. “I’ve met Miral,” he said, wanting to change the subject. She glanced at him, her eyes drying up, “at some academy function with her father.” She smiled softly, “I think it was the father/daughter dance, I believe.”

“She was a sweet child,” Kathryn commented. “As she grew up, she became more like her mother.”

“From what I understood,” he claimed, “both her parents didn’t like each other in the beginning.”

“Well, it wasn’t love at first sight,” Kathryn quipped. “B’Elanna was her own person and she didn’t warm to Tom easily. He started chasing half the women on board, especially the Delaney sisters. From what I understood, they wouldn’t give him the time of day for a while,” she shrugged. “They became friends first and somewhere in our fourth year, it just changed.”

“Captain Kim told me of their holodeck activities,” he said.

“Oh yes, Captain Proton,” she replied, with a nod. She glanced at him, “did he tell you about my stint as Queen Arachnia?” He nodded, she laughed, and he did as well.

“From what I understand,” he said, “you didn’t need saving.”

“The pheromones did all the work,” she said. “Oh, and the death ray took care of Dr. Chaotica,” he laughed, she did as well. “So needless to say, we had fun now and then.”

Jake nodded, he decided to bring it up, “so, what about that one?” And indicated to the one of her and Chakotay.

Kathryn looked at the picture taken of them at a ship party sometime in the fifth year. Her throat tightened, “I can’t talk about Chakotay to you,” and turned walking back to the coffee pot. Her cup was empty, she took a breath and looked over at him, “okay?”

Jake stared at her, wondering why she didn’t want to discuss her former first officer. He nodded, “sure,” and walked over to her. She indicated to more coffee and he nodded, she took his cup filling it. They both sat down opposite each other, he pulled out his recording padd and indicated to her that it was on. She nodded, “so, what about Terakus?”

Kathryn sighed and pulled her legs up onto the sofa tucking them beside her as she made herself comfortable. “Let’s see, that happened in the middle of our sixth year.” She thought for a moment, “the ship was low on everything, food, deuterium, you name it. So, instead of going from one system to another we parked in the middle of that current sector and sent out teams to survey and gather.

“The best and most experienced took the Delta Flyer,” she continued. She sighed, “they were gone for two weeks and when they returned with the Flyer loaded with supplies, I couldn’t have been happier. Then, a day or so later, they started having nightmares, or at least that’s what it seemed they were. Until Neelix started hallucinating and took Naomi hostage in the messhall. That’s when I knew we had a problem.”

“What did you do?”

“After Harry nearly lost it in the briefing room,” she replied, “I ordered the crew to start and try to remember where they were. I found out in astrometrics.” She paused for a moment, “then I woke up on a cot in the messhall a couple of hours later.”

“What happened there?” he asked curiously.

She sighed, “from what we could make of it, more than 300 years before, a small military force were transferring the Nikon to another location for some reason. Well, apparently some of the locals were missing, about 25 or so. Before we knew it, we were being fired on. I don’t know who fired the first shot, but everyone panicked and began firing in return.” She grew silent as the tightness in her chest built, the horror of it coming back. Then she sighed, “no matter what we tried to do, we couldn’t stop the ambush. All the civilians were killed. And - I watched Saavedra vaporize each of the bodies - “ she shook her head, “it was the most horrible thing I’d ever seen.”

Jake leaned forward, “so, how did this happen?”

Kathryn then ran her hand up into her now white hair. “There was this obelisk on the planet filled with the memories of each of these soldiers. But, it was malfunctioning and as it was transmitted out into subspace to each passing ship, the story was fragmented for each of us. After much debate, I decided to recharge and repair the monument to keep it running for the next 300 years. And, we placed warning buoys at the edge of the system, just in case.”

“That must have been very traumatic,” he commented, amazed. “How’d the crew recover?”

Kathryn stared at him, “well, we didn’t, really.” She sighed, “we didn’t have a counselor on board, so when the crew experienced extreme stress or trauma during a mission, the Doctor - now Joe - was helpful in that field.”

“Just the Doctor?” Jake asked.

Kathryn stared at him knowing what he wanted her to tell him. It was known back when they came home, how Chakotay was the real counselor on board. Chakotay received high praise from many of Starfleet’s counselors because he did so well at it.

She bit her lip and then shook her head, “no, he was backup.” She paused again, and then sighed, “Commander Chakotay really did the counseling.” Jake nodded, Kathryn didn’t want to talk about him. She could feel the tears coming and suddenly wanted Jake to leave.

Jake could tell she was starting to get emotional over the commander. From what he could tell, she was in love with him and had lost him to another woman when they came home. She still hadn’t gotten over it, perhaps that’s why she chose to stay alone for the rest of her life.

He decided to change the subject, “so, tell me about Q,” he said.

Kathryn glanced at him and wiped beneath her eyes grateful he decided to change the subject. She sighed, “what would you like to know?”

“How many times did he visit?”

“Three times,” she replied simply.

“Why?”

“Why?” she asked, he nodded. She shrugged, “well, the first time was when we beamed the other Q - Quinn - on board. Q appeared just in time to return the male population to the ship.”

“What happened?”

“Quinn was trying to commit suicide,” she replied. “Instead, he took all the men away.” Jake waited, “to make it brief, a trial was held whether or not to make Quinn a mortal so he could commit suicide. In the end, I granted him the right to mortality, hoping he’d see his advantage of being human. Instead, Q supplied him with some nogach hemlock and Quinn died anyway.”

“And the second time?”

“About six months later,” she replied, “Q showed up trying to impress me in different ways.”

“How?” Jake asked with a smile.

“He covered the bridge with roses,” she replied, and then smirked, “showed up in my bath - ” Jake chuckled, she laughed. “I was furious with him. I knew he was up to something. Finally, he told me he wanted to mate with me.”

“What did you do?”

“Sent him away,” she replied, “until he showed up with a puppy. Then his jilted girlfriend showed up and he whisked me away to the Continuum where it was fashioned after the American Civil War. That’s when I knew it was a serious problem. When the Continuum was facing its own mortality.”

“I don’t understand,” he said.

Kathryn sighed, “because of Quinn’s suicide, Q suddenly realized that he was probably right and began following the same path. And, then their entire existence was thrown into chaos.”

“How long were you there?”

She shrugged, “at least a week, but it was really just two days.”

“So, the last time he visited you was your last year,” he asked, “in the Delta Quadrant?” She nodded, “with his son?” She nodded again, “how’d that go?”

“It was more stressful than the other times,” she replied. “Q, Jr., was unpredictable, unmannered and nearly got us killed, until his father stepped in. After they took his powers away, we were able to handle him a little better,” she smiled softly. “He and Icheb became friends and I actually got to like him, he tried so hard, you know?” Jake nodded, “then he and Icheb stole the Delta Flyer.”

“How’d you feel about that?”

“Oh, I was angry!” she said firmly. “So much so, when he came back with Icheb hurt, I swear I was ready to toss him out of an airlock then. So, his father came back to inform us it was his son’s job to fix it all and left.” She paused, “a few hours later back in the Flyer, we found Q was behind it all along. He fixed both Neelix and Icheb, promised the Continuum he’d watch out for his son and left.”

Jake sat for a moment in thought, he wondered what he would ask next. Kathryn sat calmly drinking the rest of her coffee. He took these moments to study this famous officer and former “Delta Darling.” The years had been kind to her, considering she was in her early sixties. Her skin was still smooth, except for a few lines beneath her eyes and around her mouth. She was elegant and refined in her years.

Kathryn was starting to get impatient as Jake stared at her. Despite how their interview was going, she found herself beginning to like Jake Sisko. She sighed, “Mr. Sisko?” she inquired.

Jake shook his head, and he sank back into the chair. “I’m sorry, Admiral,” he said. “But, you’ve told me so much, so far. I don’t know where to start -”

“Oh come on,” Kathryn teased gently, “you know what you want to ask me.” He stared at her, “if you’re as good as a reporter as I know you are, then just ask.”

“You’ve read my work?” he asked shocked.

“Of course I have,” she replied with a soft smile.

“Did you know I wanted to interview you,” he asked, “all those years ago?”

She shrugged, “I’m not sure. It was so...crazy when we came home. I had all those interviews, the debriefings. By the time it started to quiet down enough, I just wanted to escape.” She tilted her head towards him a little, “were you next to talk to me at that time?”

“Yes,” he nodded.

She sighed, “I’m sorry, Mr. Sisko. I really needed to get away by then. I thought I was going to go crazy with another interview.”

“Where’d you go?”

“To the coast of Italy,” she replied, “for a few months.” She paused, “when I got back, I just wanted to dive back into work. So I did and as far as I was concerned, the interviews were the past.”

“I guess I can understand that,” he sympathized. He sighed, “because of you, the federation knows all there is to know about the Borg.” She shrugged, “but, what we don’t know is, about the Queen herself. You spoke of her, but not of her personality, what she was really like.”

“She was very smart,” Kathryn replied. “I had to be several steps ahead of her. I was just starting to when my counterpart showed up and she was miles ahead it seemed.”

“What did you think of her?”

“For a day or so,” she replied, “I wasn’t sure. She held so many secrets I had yet to discover. When I found out some, I realized that I had to do something to prevent that future from happening.”

“Which was what?”

Kathryn was quiet for a moment, then sighed, “a few deaths, unnecessary ones, that’s all really.”

“Whose idea was it to infiltrate Unimatrix Zero?” Jake asked.

“Well,” she replied, “it was sorta mutual, with a few debates.”

“Did Seven -?” he started and noticed her face fall. He stopped confused, “Admiral, is there something wrong?”

Kathryn sighed, her voice shook, “it’s...nothing. I just didn’t expect you to bring her up so soon.” She paused as she thought back to her early days with Seven of Nine and...her wedding that she performed. She sighed again, “Seven was our liaison to the Borg after we encountered the war with them and Species 8472. I saw she was a human female at one time, and obviously assimilated at a very young age.

“Despite protests,” she continued, “I kept Seven on board after we severed her from the Collective.” She thought for a moment, “Seven became a butterfly, literally. When she emerged from the Collective cocoon, she was apprehensive and unsure. After her first year with us, she started to show her true self and began making friends, including myself.

“The next year,” she said, “Seven decided to save us by returning to the Collective, when the Queen threatened to have us assimilated, if we continued with our plan to steal a transwarp coil.”

“That was crazy!” Jake exclaimed, shaking his head. “I don’t even think Captain Picard thought to do that.”

“Captain Picard,” Kathryn said firmly, “wasn’t over 60,000 light years from home.” She sighed, “I have to admit, there were times I got so obsessed with trying to get home, I didn’t see the end result until later.”

“Which was what?”

“I wondered if the effort was really worth it,” she replied. “When we decided it was time to go home, Harry said the most logical thing.” She paused, “he told us our time in the Delta Quadrant started out with wanting to get home. Then, somewhere during that trip, it turned out it was the journey that mattered.” She felt her eyes well with tears and quickly wiped them away. “And, he was right, but it was time to go home.”

“While on the cube,” he asked, “were you scared?”

“Yes,” she replied simply. “Borg vessels give me the creeps, something I don’t wish on my worst enemy.”

“Except for the Queen?” he asked.

Kathryn stared at him, then laughed softly, “yes, except for the Queen,” Jake laughed as well. “Your good, Mr. Sisko,” he grinned at her. She sighed, “well, after assimilation, I knew we had a mission to do, before the neural suppressant wore off. Both B’Elanna and I were lucky, Tuvok wasn’t and succumbed. He tried so hard, but couldn’t.”

“How’d you deal with it afterwards?”

“After a week in sickbay,” she said, “I left the bridge to Chakotay and took a nice long bath.”

“Now, you told me,” Jake said, “a little of the admiral, but I sensed there was something you didn’t like about her.” She smirked at him, “and no, I’m not a telepath, although I’ve met a few.”

“I’m sure you have,” she said and thought for a moment. “I didn’t like certain things about her.”

“Like what?”

“She was cynical,” Kathryn replied, “obsessed with fixing the past, bitter and alone.”

“So, what’s different now?”

“Everything but the alone,” she replied and pointed at him, “something I chose to do.”

“Are you happy with that decision?” he asked curiously and she glanced away briefly. “Is there something you could have done differently?”

Kathryn bit her lip and murmured, “and have the Relativity follow me again?” She looked at him, “and become like she was?” She shrugged, “of course I wish some things were different,” her voice shook, “but, it’s a decision I had to live with.” She then stood up to relax the tension in her, she walked back over to her wall of photos staring at them. “But, I have my nieces and nephews to look forward to...when they do visit.”

That’s when Jake realized this officer was alone most of the time. He figured her life must be very lonely with no love or family to surround her. “You’ve got me,” he volunteered gently.

Kathryn smirked in an attempt not to cry, she wiped a tear away, “you can’t imagine how nice it is to have you here.” She paused for a moment, then turned to him, “Jake, how would you like to help me water my garden?”

Jake perked up at her invitation, she had a garden? He rose, “of course I would.”

“Follow me,” she smiled at him and led him through the living room through a small sun porch and out the door on the side.

=/\=

When Jake stepped back into the warm, summer air, he was suddenly overwhelmed in awe at the color surrounding him. The garden had a white rock path starting with purple and white rhodendrons. He followed her as the garden path opened up to reveal a rainbow of colors.

He was surrounded by roses, lilies of all varieties, dahlia’s, peonies, some gladiolas, azaleas and there were quite a few he didn’t recognize. He saw a white arch on the other side from the front of the house that was covered with a yellow climbing rose.

As he took in this incredible view surrounding him, he watched her walk over to a hidden area of the house and return with a water hose. She started it up and began gently spraying the water over the azaleas. 

“You did all this?” he asked surprised.

Kathryn glanced over at him with a small nod, “yes.”

Jake strolled around some of the roses and found a covered white swing that had a beige cover over it. There was a floral cushion on the seat and he suddenly noticed apart from the other roses, a separate pink rose bush opposite the swing that bordered the hedges.

“It’s beautiful!’ he exclaimed. “Has your house always been this way?”

“Well, for the past 10 years or so,” she replied, as she was now watering the lilies and dahlia’s.

“Why’s that rose bush way over there?” he asked curiously.

Kathryn glanced over, then replied, “for the better light.”

Jake looked at how the sunlight angled down on the single rose bush to the cluster of them located across the path. The angle looked the same to him, something about her answer he didn’t believe.

With a sigh, he strolled over next to her, “what about the Devore?” She looked at him with a gentle smile, “that was a dangerous game you played.”

“Yes,” she sighed and paused, she laughed a little, “oh, but worth the end result!” Jake chuckled, “if you could have seen Kashyk’s face - well, let’s put it this way. I bagged the cat.”

“You did the same thing with the Think Tank,” he claimed, she nodded in agreement. “Do you realize your diplomacy tactics are still being compared to Captain Kirk’s and being taught at the academy?”

Kathryn was amused with this news, “I hardly think I’m like Captain Kirk -“

“But, you are,” he said, she smiled as they walked along with the hose and he lifted various leafy flora up so she could water beneath. “Admiral, think of it this way. Your dealings with the Think Tank alone are compared to Captain Kirk’s dealings with the Andorians back in 2268 when Coridan was admitted into the federation.”

Kathryn nodded with a smirk, “yeah, but I also wasn’t stabbed by Kurros.” He shrugged, she glanced at him, “but, I thank you for the compliment. It means a lot.” She turned off the hose and reached down between the plants to pull a few weeds. “So, what about you Jake?”

“Me?”

She nodded, “yes, tell me about you. Are you married?”

Jake smiled, “yes, ma’am. For about six years, we have a young son.” Kathryn smiled up at him, “my father was the captain of Deep Space Nine more than 20 years ago.”

“You’re Benjamin Sisko’s son?” she asked surprised, he nodded. She stood up, “I met your father right before Voyager was pulled into the Delta Quadrant,” she stared at him, “he’d be proud of you.”

“I hope so,” he said.

Her face softened, “do you think he’s not?”

“I...don’t know,” he replied, “but shortly before he left to be with the Prophets, he sounded proud that one of my stories was accepted by a real publisher.”

“I’d say he is,” she said and gently patted his arm. She glanced up at the sky, “well,” she sighed, “we’ve must have been talking for hours. The sun is starting to set. Care to join me for dinner?”

“Oh, I’d love to,” he replied, happy for the invitation. “But, I really need to go and start working on the story. You’ve told me so much.”

“Is this all you wanted to know?” She asked shocked.

“Well...no,” he replied, “but, I didn’t think you wanted to tell me any more.”

Kathryn laughed softly, “oh, I have plenty to tell you. When would you like to hear more?”

They entered the house, and he walked into the living room to retrieve his padd. “In two more days okay?”

“Wonderful,” she replied, and he turned to her. “I’ll have lunch ready.”

Jake nodded with a smile as she stepped over to him, he reached out and gently took her hand between both of his. Kathryn felt a chill race down her spine as she remembered how Chakotay did the same thing with her.

“I’ll look forward to it,” he said gently. She nodded and he leaned over placing a tender kiss on the side of her face. “Thank you, Admiral,” he gently pulled away and walked out to her front door. She followed, “see you soon,” and opened the door, she stepped up behind him taking it. “Bye.”

“Goodbye,” she said softly, sorry to see him go. He stepped out and down to the walkway and out to the road. She waved at him and he waved back, she closed the door quietly behind her.

Once Jake had left, Kathryn walked back into the living room and cleaned up the coffee pot and cups. She walked back into the kitchen putting them in the sink.

Her mood was now reflective as she began to remember her past crew. As she remembered, she walked back out to her garden and around to the swing sitting down. The swing faced the mountains in the background and was bathed in red and orange as the sun sank deeper into the horizon.

She realized Jake’s visit and interview has made her remember parts of her past that she had chose to forget.

The most were her memories of performing Chakotay and Seven’s wedding almost 15 years before. She remembered how she had fought her tears of marrying off the man she loved to her protégée. 

But, she didn’t let him see her sadness and did her duty as their captain and friend. At the reception following the ceremony, she put on a brave face and congratulated Chakotay while attempting not to cry. She left the reception early to nurse her wounds and ended up in a small, quiet bar to have a cup of coffee and a bite to eat.

While there, she attracted the attention of a younger, handsome man. He had Latin looks, dark eyes and black hair. He reminded her of Chakotay and when he asked to sit with her, she didn’t object.

She spent the night talking with him and preferred not to know his name or give hers. His subtle advances were flattering and she didn’t push him away.

They left the bar together and found a small hotel and got a room. She let him remove her pips and dress uniform jacket and before she realized it, the rest of her clothes were in a pile with his on the floor and he took her against the wall.

She clung to him in the passion as he pounded into her with such force she almost cried and imagined he was really Chakotay. In fact, she remembered crying out his name in her desire and this handsome man seemed to understand. He then became more tender with her and kissed her.

Kathryn had started to cry at that point responding and he pulled her away from the wall lowering her to the bed beginning to make tender love to her.

Afterwards, as they lay in the dark with his body spooned to hers beneath the sheet, he stroked her shoulder and arm. She let him soothe her as the tears slid quietly down her face knowing what she’d done.

“Hey, what’s your name?” he asked her softly. She didn’t respond, just clutched her pillow even more trying to keep her tears quiet. “Come on, you’re so beautiful -“ she whimpered shaking her head, afraid if he only knew who he had just spent an evening with, it’d be in the media in two days. What would Chakotay think of her then?

“Please, no names,” she whimpered tearfully. “Understand, I can’t tell you - ” and started to cry. “You’ve been...so kind to me, but I don’t deserve - ”

“- Hey,” he said gently, “its okay, come here,” and turned her into his arms crooning gently to her. She wrapped her arms around him sobbing until she fell asleep in his arms exhausted.

When she woke the next morning, she found herself alone, but her uniform folded neatly on the foot of the bed with just a contact number and a daisy from the hotel vase lying across. She lay beneath the sheet holding his information debating whether or not to throw it away. He obviously knew she didn’t love him and was in love with someone else. Chakotay was officially out of her life now and he was willing to take his place, as her nameless lover, when needed.

She hadn’t known what to think with that, but decided the sex was worth it. She had been deprived of physical pleasure for so long and now that Chakotay was with Seven...she smiled softly and got up to freshen up and dress.

Her only concern was being seen leaving the hotel. She determined that if she was spotted, they’d think she spent the night for safety concerns. She decided that her new lover from the night before would take on a pseudo-name, since she couldn’t refer to him as, Him.

He would now become, “Robert.”

Once she’d dressed, she managed to leave the hotel unnoticed and return to her apartment located off the base at the time. Once she had changed into something comfortable, she encoded her return signal and called “Robert” to thank him for the night and that she’d be happy to meet with him again, when she wasn’t busy.

He called her back within the next few hours and they began meeting every other weekend at various locations where they made love and had breakfast the next morning before parting for their next weekend.

This went on for several years and he filled that part of her she craved.

It all ended about eight years later after they had made love the morning of that weekend and she was dozing beside him...

...“Hey, wake up,” he said softly.

Kathryn’s eyes fluttered, she was content, but exhausted from a long week at headquarters. She moaned softly, “what is it?”

“I have to tell you something,” he said.

Something in his tone told her it was important. She had woken enough and sat up pulling the sheet against her. She glanced at him, “I already know what you’re going to say.”

He shook his head, “no, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do,” she said with a sigh. “You’re tired of satisfying an older woman like me because you’ve found someone else.”

“No,” he said and she looked at him. “No, that’s not it.” He sighed, “I think you’re so damn sexy and beautiful,” she smiled softly at him. “But - ”

”But?” she asked curiously.

“I can’t go on with this masquerade of ours anymore,” he replied, she glanced away. They were quiet for several moments, “listen, I know who you are.”

Kathryn suddenly looked at him alarmed at this news, “what?” She was starting to get worried and began to sit up. “How could you? We agreed -”

”I have my resources,” he said, staring at his lover of eight years. “Kathryn Janeway, isn’t it?”

She stared at him, starting to panic, but kept it out of her voice. “When did you find out?” she asked softly.

“About three years ago,” he replied, “in some coverage about the Voyager reunion. I saw a picture of you -” she groaned. “I just think its time we stop this and actually try to have a life together.”

That’s when she drew the line, “no, I can’t do that.” She started to pull the sheet around her body and stand up.

“He’s gone!” Robert said firmly.

“Who’s gone?” she asked, walking around their hotel room and picking up her clothes. It was over.

“Chakotay -” he said and she glanced sharply at him. “Come on Kate! That first night of ours, you wished he was me. I know you’ve been in love with him - ”

She spun angrily to him, “stop it! Just - don’t talk about him to me! You haven’t the right to judge me on what I’ve felt for him!” She felt her chest grow tight with tears, “why do you have to ruin this?”

“How am I?” he asked and slid off the bed nude walking over to her. She tried not to notice how much he still aroused her. He then placed his hands on her balled clothes in her arms.

“You know who I am,” she replied, “and I can’t allow -”

“ - Do you have to be in control,” he asked, “all the time?” She stared up at him, “why can’t you let everything happen as it should?”

“Stop it!” she snapped. “Please - I’ve got to go -”

“Kate -”

“Don’t call me that!” she said angrily. He then grabbed her arms pulling her against him and making her drop her clothes. She tried to pull away, but he held her firmly, “let me go damnit!”

“Don’t do this,” he said, pleading gently. “Please, I love you -” A sob escaped from her, “please, I’m sorry -” and he kissed her deeply and gently. She responded wrapping her arms around him. He lifted her against him and back over to the empty bed lowering her to it.

Kathryn was hungry for him again, but she couldn’t love him or couldn’t allow him to love her. He pressed his body to her after pulling the sheet from around her body, “I can’t - not anymore,” she moaned, “you know too much -”

“- I love you,” he told her gently, “and I promise not to tell anyone -” he had moved between her legs, his passion for her driving him as he positioned himself.

“Too late,” she said, the desire heard in her voice and cried out when he joined them deeply, she allowed for this one last time.

Afterwards she waited until he had fallen asleep and then got up and dressed. She handwrote him a brief note bidding him goodbye and how much their affair meant to her, but not to contact her again. She apologized for hurting him and left their room forever...

...He had respected her wishes and didn’t contact her. Although she missed him for almost a year. She made sure when did find a new lover, but it would be for one night only. She stopped a few years before with this life, because her retirement was nearing and she no longer felt attractive enough to give her body to a man she didn’t know or love.

Kathryn suddenly wiped the tears from her face as she realized she was crying because she missed Chakotay so deeply and that her love for him was still there, despite it all. She cursed at her emotions, stood up and walked back into the house to prepare dinner and take a bath before she retired for the night.

When Jake arrived in the early afternoon two days later, he held a large bouquet of mixed flowers for Kathryn. He knew she had surrounded herself with her own flowers, but figured she’d appreciate the gesture of what he was doing.

He walked up to the porch noting the windows in the house were open letting the fragrant breeze blow in. He also heard some faint music coming from inside.

He then rang her door chime and heard her on the other side. When she opened the door, she was dressed in a pale pink pantsuit with white piping on the round collar and short sleeves. Her hair was pulled behind her with a matching bow and she smiled seeing him.

“Jake!” she said. “Right on time.”

“Good to see you to,” he said and held out the flowers to her.

Kathryn glanced at the bouquet and smirked, “what are those for?”

“They’re for you,” he replied, she looked confused. “Because you deserve it?”

“Jake!” she said shocked and groaned, “thank you, but -”

“-Please,” Jake asked her, holding them out to her again. “I want you to have them.”

Kathryn sighed thinking, and then she smiled, “okay, but just this once.” He grinned at her as she took them, “and, just so you know, flattery will get you nowhere.”

“Okay,” he said with a chuckle as she stepped aside letting him in. She closed the door and he found the house was breezy from the open windows, spotless and several other vases were filled with her own flowers. She obviously felt comfortable enough with him to welcome him like this.

“Let me find a vase for these,” she told him, heading toward the kitchen.

“Want some company?” he asked curiously.

Kathryn stared over at him, “sure, if you’d like,” and he followed her into the spacious kitchen in the back of the house. Once inside, she placed the bouquet on the small kitchen table that had a coffee cup on it. She walked over to a cabinet and opened it, “I hope you’re hungry. I’ve made chicken with Vulcan vegetables.”

“Sounds good,” he replied as she pulled out a large crystal cut vase and walked over putting it in the sink to fill it with water. Once she was done, she took the full vase and walked over placing it in the middle of the table. “So, this is where you grew up?”

She nodded with a smile walking over to the large picture window that had white lace curtains and a cushioned window seat. “Yes, that’s why I chose to live here after my mother died 10 years ago.” She indicated to an old large oak tree in the distance that had a swing. “See that tree out there?”

“Yes,” Jake replied.

“I spent a lot of time there as a child,” she told him and glanced at him. He smiled, “I dreamed a lot on her branches -“

“I can relate,” he said with a nod. She smirked, “years ago, when I lived on Deep Space Nine as a kid, myself and a friend hung around on the Promenade watching the transports coming in.” He chuckled, “from the top level, we used to sit watching and got in trouble with Odo a few times.”

“Sounds like you had quite an experience there,” she commented softly.

“Yes, ma’am,” he replied, “but I wouldn’t trade it for anywhere else at all.”

“I feel the same about the Delta Quadrant,” she said and sighed, “although, back then I didn’t think so.”

He was quiet for a moment, then, “did your garden come with the house?”

“Only a little,” she replied. “My mother had done some work around the perimeter. The day after her funeral, I sat on the front porch and suddenly decided to create a bigger garden. So, I started buying bulbs, soil and everything else needed. With each year, it just grew, especially the one on the side of the house. I figure it’s a nice way to honor my parents, for all they did for me.”

“That’s a nice gesture,” he said, she nodded. “Did you ever want children?” She glanced at him, “if I’m being too personal -?”

Kathryn shook her head, “no, its okay.” She sighed, “a long time ago I did, perhaps when we returned from the Delta Quadrant.” He watched her face grow sad and he knew what her dream once was. “But,” her voice was soft, “the opportunity never happened.” He saw her fight the emotions that were running through her, he wanted to suddenly comfort her, but held back. “I do - have my friends and family still.”

Jake was sad to see her this way, and she was so lonely here in this old and large house. “Admiral -?”

Kathryn looked at him, and she wiped a tear beneath her eye. “Please, call me Kathryn, that’s what I ask all my friends to do.” To prove it, she reached out taking his hand.

He was thrilled and happy to hear this from her. He squeezed her hand gently in response. “I’d be honored to be your friend, Kathryn.” She smiled again and he did as well. Then she led him out to the sun porch where the table was set for lunch with a tall cold pitcher of iced tea and garden salads.

As they ate, he brought up Neelix again and Kathryn told him of his many meals he prepared for the crew and their various guests. Jake found himself laughing over her descriptions of his legendary ways with Leola Root.

She sighed still laughing, “oh, but he tried so hard! He got better over the years.” She grew quiet and picked up her tea, “oh, and Kes -”

“Kes?” he inquired curiously.

Kathryn nodded, “yes, she was our resident Ocampan that had a very short life span.”

“How short?”

“Nine years,” she replied softly. “She was almost two years old when she joined the crew.”

“She was young -”

“Yes,” Kathryn agreed, “but so very wise in her youth.”

“What’d she look like?”

“Ever see a picture of an elf?” she asked him, he nodded. “Well, basically that, with short blonde hair, petite. Very sweet. I became very close with her those first four years on board. Right before she left us, she had grown out her hair. She was very beautiful. It broke my heart to see her go, but she did it to protect us.”

“This was after your alliance with,” he said, “the Borg ended?” She nodded, “I remember you had mentioned she showed up again two years later?”

“Oh yes,” she said, with a nod. “That was a very...odd time. Something with a temporal anomaly. All I remember is preventing her return from being so destructive and having her younger self tell her how much we loved and cared for her in those early years.”

“But, she didn’t stay?”

She shook her head, “no, she needed to go back home. I helped her convince her of that.”

Once they finished lunch, he helped her clean up and they took their iced tea with a slice of apple pie into the living room where they continued to talk. Kathryn was enjoying herself for the first time in years. Jake was a reporter, but far as she was concerned, a very dear friend. Even though he was starting to bring up old memories, some which she at one time tried to forget. She knew it was good to talk about it.

As Jake sat in one of the armchairs, she sat curled in one corner of the sofa staring at him.

“Jake,” she said, somewhat cautious, “I know reporters have their own ethical guidelines, but starship captains -“

He was curious, “what Kathryn?”

She glanced a way for a moment, then looked at him, “you don’t have to tell me, but I was curious who else on the staff have you’ve spoken with?”

Jake smiled gently at her, “its okay, Kathryn.” He sighed, “a few months ago when I was visiting Deep Space Nine, I ran into Captain Kim.” Her face lit up with interest, he continued, “apparently he was getting ready to take his ship on a two-year mission to the Beta Quadrant.”

“Oh, how’d he look?”

“Wonderful,” he replied, “we had a drink at Quark’s and he spoke very highly of you.” She smiled, “he admires you quite a bit.”

“Oh, Harry was so young,” she said softly. She then stretched her legs out along the sofa to prevent cramping. A moment later she sighed, “he was fresh from the academy when he joined the crew. I saw a lot of myself in him. As the years passed, he then was this experienced man before me. He had grown up literally in the Delta Quadrant and proved it a few times. I knew he’d make captain someday. Who else have you seen?” She asked curiously.

“The Doctor,” he replied, “of course, now Joe.” She laughed, “he’s always willing to talk.”

“Oh, I have to accept responsibility,” she said, “or at least part of it for who he is today.”

“Why?”

“Well, when we first activated him,” she replied, “he was your average EMH. Then Kes made me aware of how the crew was treating him. Once I allowed him the ability to turn himself off, he started to become sentient.”

“What was the first thing,” Jake asked, “that you noticed?”

“Opera,” she replied and sighed, “he got hooked on opera.”

“That must have been interesting,” he commented, she nodded. He sighed, “I also met Tuvok once,” Kathryn glanced over at him. “It was at one of the security conferences he was attending.”

“Tuvok,” she said warmly. “He was my logic and one of my closest friends.”

“He spoke warmly of you,” he told her.

Kathryn bit her lip, and then groaned, “didn’t any of them have anything to say bad?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know,” she replied, “but the way you’re talking, I’m sounding like a saint or something.” She looked at him, “I was hardly that all those years. Sometimes I swear I was a pure bitch.” Jake was speechless at this new resolution from her. She then turned on the sofa facing him, the sudden anger seen, “there were times they hated me! Decisions I made for them, missions I assigned - ” her voice dropped, “although at the time, I had no choice.”

Jake sat forward leaning toward her, “Kathryn, you were the only Starfleet captain in the Delta Quadrant for six years. Until your ship finally established contact with the Alpha Quadrant, you were on your own.”

“Do you realize how many times,” she asked, “I’ve told myself the same thing? And where did it get me?” She indicated around her, “an empty house,” and then murmured, “and no children.”

“Why didn’t you change it?”

Kathryn sighed, “I guess I was scared.”

“Of what?” he asked curiously. “You battled the Borg, outsmarted the Devore and the Think Tank, took on the Kazon - Kathryn, you were fearless - ”

“Oh, I was scared,” she admitted, with a nod. “I just couldn’t show it.”

“Well, I can understand that,” he said, and then sighed, “what else were you scared of?” She stared at him, folding her hands tightly. Kathryn swore he could see into her soul. “You were with the same people for seven years. Bonds were formed, families - didn’t you associate with them on social occasions?”

“I did,” she replied with a shrug, “but not as often in the later years.”

“Why not?”

She thought for a moment, and then sighed, “I don’t know.”

“Could it be you were scared of life?” he asked, somewhat gently. She didn’t respond, but put her face in her hands. He pressed a little more, “did you feel you were getting to close to some of them?”

Kathryn shuddered inwardly, knowing he was getting closer to the truth. She peered at him through her fingers debating whether or not to answer honestly. After several moments she sighed, “I couldn’t allow myself to - get too close. I - was afraid it would cloud my judgment.”

Jake studied her, hoping she’d admit she had fallen in love with her first officer, but she wasn’t going to do that. He knew she had the right to keep her own secrets, although it was the one thing keeping her from being truly happy.

“What if you did and it didn’t?” he finally asked.

Kathryn groaned, “Jake! To second guess what I did back then isn’t worth the effort.” She stood up and walked a little around the room, “it’s not like I don’t wish I acted differently, but I did.” She paused with a shake of her head, “and after we came home - what I did - ” she stopped, “but that was then, this is now.” She turned back to him, “okay?”

Jake caught her eyes, and she was pleading with him not to dig up some obvious painful memories. He felt for her and wished he had some advice to give her, but he was half her age and hadn’t lived the experiences she had.

“Okay,” he finally replied, respecting her wishes.

Kathryn walked over to him and sat on the table facing him, she took his hands in hers. He stared at her, “Jake,” she said softly, “my life hasn’t been easy, by any means. I’ve had a lot of sadness and some really wonderful times with some wonderful people. I’ve learned to accept what’s happened and my regrets will always be there.”

“Don’t you wish -?”

“-Yes!” she said, deeply, “yes, I do, but it’s the past and to - change it now wouldn’t matter.”

“How do you know?”

She smirked at him, “because I do,” she gripped his hands, “you’re such a special friend to me and I love the time we’ve spent, can’t I be happy with that?”

“What if I want you,” he asked, “to be happy all the time? Not just when I visit?”

She smiled softly and reached out tenderly touching his face, “oh, your wife is very lucky to have you.”

“I think so too,” he said and smiled at her.

Kathryn pulled her hand away and slowly stood up. Her eye caught the nearby clock on the fireplace mantel. She sighed, “are you hungry? I should start dinner.”

He nodded, “sure, but then I have to go.” She looked at him, “tomorrow I have to meet with my editor in New York.”

“About me?” she asked, he nodded. “Before he runs the story, can I read it first?”

“Of course,” he replied with a nod.

“Well, then,” she said, with a sigh. “Let’s get something quick so you can be on your way.” He nodded and stood following her into the kitchen.

Dinner was a simple meal consisting of angel hair pasta with white sauce, garlic bread and coffee. Once done, she bid him goodbye and he told her he’d see her in a week after his trip to New York.

They embraced warmly and he left.

New York City  
USS (United Subspace Syndicate building)  
Five Days Later

Jake sat at his desk proofing his story on Kathryn, the first part was now being reviewed by his editor. He was starting to write the second part from the notes he had taken after his last day spent with her the week before.

He wanted to write a positive story about this famous officer. He didn’t want to portray her as the lonely, aging woman that she was now. He wanted to be sure that her legacy would live on through his words and she’d be remembered like James Kirk was.

He only wished there was a way he could get both her and Chakotay together again. When he last met Chakotay, it was on Deep Space Nine about five years before. He had found out from Voyager’s former XO that he was living back on Dorvan Five, the former settlement was rebuilding since the Dominion War and slowly being repopulated by a new tribe willing to take the place of Chakotay’s former.

And, he had divorced Seven five years before as well.

His thoughts were interrupted by his editor calling him into his office.

=/\=

“Come in Jake,” said Roberto Lomas. He waited for his brightest and soon to be, star reporters to sit down in front of his desk. They sat there for a moment, he sighed, “I’m impressed Jake. How’d you get her to talk?”

Jake sighed, “she actually was willing, it was just the right approach.”

“Well, it worked,” Roberto said, he leaned back in his chair. “She’s been a tough one to crack after so many years.” He knew personally from experience. That’s what Jake didn’t know and he wasn’t sure what Kathryn had told him of her affair with him those years ago.

He still thought of her now and then and deep inside, wished she hadn’t ended their affair like she did. He had loved her so much and wanted to give her the life she deserved, but her heart was only meant for one man, who was now obtainable to her, if she tried to find out.

But, now he himself was married and he hoped, that she’d find happiness again. Then he sighed, “I’d like to run the story in the next issue.”

“You like it?” Jake asked shocked.

Roberto nodded, “yes, it’s very good. And, you’ve made her sound as...extraordinary as thought.”

“Admiral Janeway is quite incredible,” he said, “but, she did what she had to do.”

“I know,” he said, and added to himself, in more ways than one.

Jake sighed, “Roberto, she wants to have a final say in what’s released. I told her I’d let her read it before we do run it. I think that’s fair.”

“Was that an order from her?” Roberto asked, not surprised at her request, considering their last morning together.

He shook his head, “no, a request. I got her to trust me and she’s willing to tell me more. She wants to talk, and I don’t want to lose that now.” He sighed, “and we’ve become friends. She needs me right now.”

This was something Roberto could believe, from all those weekends he spent with her. He remembered during their lovemaking, she’d start to cry it’d seem either because he wasn’t Chakotay or the fact, she was allowing herself to be involved in an affair just for the physical pleasure.

He had comforted her afterwards, wishing she’d talk to him, but she didn’t and he allowed his identity to remain unknown to her. Her tears had always willed her into a deep and fitful sleep each time. Always the morning after, when he made love to her one last time before parting, she was the woman he loved and she seemed to respond to that.

Although he never told her how he’d felt, until that fateful morning, he told her in an attempt to keep her from leaving him, but it did no good. When he woke a few hours later and all that was left was her note by his pillow. He almost cried knowing what she had done, but knew, in her heart, she couldn’t ever love him.

He sighed, “I’ll hold it until next month. Is that okay?”

Jake nodded with a smile, “yes, that’s great, thanks. She’ll appreciate it.” He then stood up, “I’ll have the next part ready by then.”

Roberto watched him start to leave, he wanted Jake to give Kathryn his best wishes, but couldn’t do that. “Jake?” he said and he turned to him. “What’s she like?”

Jake sighed, “she’s very nice, open and warm. Once she got to know me, she became very hospitable. Although, she’s very lonely.”

“Don’t her crew and family ever visit?”

“Not very much anymore,” he replied with a shake of his head.

Roberto was sad this was the life she had chosen for herself. He hoped Jake’s story on her would allow her some sort of happiness again. “Well, let her know,” he added, “that she has my full cooperation.” It was the least he could do for her.

“I will,” Jake said with a nod and left.

Indiana

During that week Jake was in New York, the day after he left it began to rain. At first it was steady and by the next day, it started to come down heavier and the thunder rolled overhead.

Kathryn couldn’t do much outside during this time, to her own dismay. She suddenly wasn’t sleeping the last few nights because her past was coming back in sometimes eerie dreams.

One night, as the storm rolled overhead, she lay in bed dreaming...

...Kathryn walked outside to work in her garden since the day was warm and sunny. Once she stepped outside, a fog seemed to have rolled in slowly. Curious, she wandered down the path wondering how suddenly the fog appeared. There was an image or was it a person standing near the roses.

She tried to walk over to him, yes it was definitely male, but she couldn’t see where she was going. The fog was thicker and had now blocked out the full light of the sun. Suddenly she heard him speak her name, “Kate - I’ve missed you -”

She stiffened realizing who it was. How did he find her after so many years? She ended that affair so long ago. “What are you doing here?” she asked shocked.

“You didn’t have to end it,” he told her quietly, “you know?” He was gazing around her garden as if there wasn’t any fog. “You’re as beautiful as I remember - ”

“You know why I ended it,” she said.

“I loved you,” he said sadly. “I could have made you happy.”

“I couldn’t - ” she told him, her voice became a whimper.

“You never gave me a chance,” he said and looked at her.

She gritted her teeth and clenched her hands, “it was just sex, damnit!”

“For you, maybe,” he said.

Kathryn tried pulling out of this nightmare, but she couldn’t. She felt stuck, as this past came back to her. Instead she turned away from him, hoping he’d just go away, or she’d wake up.

“Go away!” she commanded. She didn’t hear anything and then gasped when she felt his arm slide around her waist. She attempted to pull away, but he held her, remembering a few times when he came up behind her as she had changed to take her then or as they lay in bed. “Don’t - touch, please -!”

“I’ve always loved you,” he whispered. “If he ever did, why didn’t he wait for you?”

“NO!” she screamed and pulled away from his arm and back into the fog...

...Kathryn sat up screaming in the dark of her room. She clutched at her cotton nightgown, her heartbeat hammering in her chest and head. She attempted to calm and whimpered as the nightmare came back to her.

Once her heartbeat returned to normal, she heard the storm outside as the wind and rain blew against the house. Kathryn pulled her legs up to her chest wrapping her arms around them wondering why this nightmare occurred 

“I had to,” she whispered, attempting to reason with herself. “I had to -” and sleep didn’t return for another few hours.

The next night resulted in the same thing. She was growing depressed and didn’t get out of bed that day. The storm had lessened some, but it was still raining.

The day before Jake was to arrive, she lay in bed listening to the rain fall and her heart heavy. Her chest felt tight with unshed tears as she fought them. She knew she should attempt at getting up for some food and coffee, perhaps even shower. But, she had no desire to. She drifted in and out of sleep, memories of life on Voyager returning. She saw Chakotay, as handsome as he was, smiling at her, lecturing her and then telling her he and Seven had decided to get married.

She whimpered into her pillow knowing how she congratulated them, faking her happiness to them. “Such an idiot!” she cursed. “Why didn’t I just tell him?” She felt herself start to drift as she saw the bridge take shape...

...”Kathryn,” Chakotay said, “you gave up on us -”

She now stood on the empty bridge clad only her nightgown with her hair brushed behind her. He was dressed in his outfit from New Earth, the one she found him undeniably attractive in.

“What are you talking about?” she asked. She suddenly felt naked in her nightgown near him.

“You know,” he said.

Kathryn shivered, “I -”

“- What were you so scared of?” he asked her bluntly. “Of my feelings for you? Or yours for me?”

“I’ve always loved you - ” she said.

“How come you’ve never told me?”

“I couldn’t - ” she replied.

“Don’t quote protocol,” he said firmly, “to me Kathryn. It was just us out there, we could have had something if you allowed it.”

She was getting frustrated at this and couldn’t understand why this was happening. She hadn’t seen Chakotay in years and here he was looking like he did 20 years before and she looked as old as she was now. She felt unworthy and unattractive to him.

“Why are you doing this?” she asked. “It’s too late! Look at me -”

He stared at her, a soft smile formed, “you’ll always be beautiful to me Kathryn.”

She felt a sob creep up her throat, “I’m so old now - ”

He walked over to her staring down at her, “and so alone - ”

“I miss you,” she whispered tearfully, “so much - ” the tears were forming in her eyes.

“I know,” he said softly and gently. He reached out gently stroking the side of her face, and she reached up placing her hand over his and leaning into him. “I miss you too.”

“Chakotay - ” she whispered, “I wish you’d come back - ”

“Kathryn,” he said softly, his eyes full of love. “I’ll always be here for you.” He was starting to fade as well as her surroundings.

“Don’t go -” she said, pleading...

...Kathryn woke up suddenly with a gasp just as she heard another gentle roll of thunder and the rain fall heavier. She gazed around finding herself alone in her bedroom. “Chakotay?” she asked, still feeling him beside her. There was no response, except for a faint roll of thunder as the storm slowly moved away. She then covered her face with her hands wishing she could go back to that day on that day Voyager returned and tell him how she felt. Everything would have been different if she had and she wouldn’t have sold her spirit for meaningless one night stands.

Except of course for “Robert,” who wanted to give her so much more and she refused. She groaned, “damn! Quit it!” She then tossed the covers aside, slid to the floor and angrily walked over into her bathroom. She knew if it weren’t for Jake, her nights would be peaceful. As much as she enjoyed his company, these memories and dreams weren’t welcome. She then turned on the light staring at herself in the mirror. Her white hair lay in a tangle around her shoulders and eyes slightly puffy from the lack of sleep. Despite her age, she looked and felt older.

Kathryn was tempted to dye her hair back to its brilliant chestnut color, but wondered if it’d defeat the purpose. The only person who’d be seeing her was Jake.

She was still depressed, but she wasn’t going to let it bother her if she could help it. Deciding to get the house ready for Jake, she decided to eat and bathe. She then pulled the nightgown over her head tossing it and walked to the bathtub starting it.

The next day, Kathryn had showered and went downstairs to get ready for Jake. It was still raining, but only lightly for the moment. The forecast was predicting a break in the weather by tomorrow. She hoped so, because she wanted to get outside and take a walk finally. She spotted Jake walking up from the transport station in a raincoat and hood. Quickly, she opened the door stepping out onto the porch. “Jake!” she called. “Come in, quick.”

He nodded trotting up the sidewalk and to the porch, despite the light rain, he was soaked. He shivered, “thanks. Has it been raining all week?”

“Yes,” she replied, “sometimes in torrents. Can’t you see the river around my house?”

He chuckled, “if I actually took a moment -”

“Come inside,” she said with a laugh. “I’ll give you something to dry off with.” He followed her inside taking the coat and hat off, and she took it from him hanging them in the nearby closet. “Was it raining in New York?”

“No,” he replied, “but it was going to start. It was starting to get cloudy before I left.”

“It’s supposed to clear up by tomorrow,” she told him. She then went upstairs and returned a moment later with a towel handing it to him. He took it with a nod beginning to dry his arms off. “Hungry?”

“No thanks,” he said, “but coffee would do.”

“I agree,” she replied, “come on.” They walked down into the kitchen and he sat at the table while she went over to the coffee pot.

As Jake waited for her to bring the coffee, he pulled out the padd that had the finished story on it. He placed it on the table and studied her as she stood dressed in simple black trousers and a beige pullover top with light sandals. Her face looked drawn and there were dark circles under her eyes. Her make up wasn’t hiding that. That’s when he noticed how quiet the house was and her mood. He wondered what was wrong, but didn’t want to delve into it so soon after arriving.

“I’ve got the completed first part,” he told her, just as she turned back to him with two cups.

Kathryn raised her eyebrow, “really?” She tried not to act too interested. “Is it any good?”

“I’d like to think so,” he replied as she sat opposite him after placing his cup down. He slid the padd down to her, and she took it. He picked up the cup of coffee watching her thumb the padd on and sit back starting to read.

As she read, he started to get a little anxious and stood up with his coffee walking over to the window. Kathryn glanced up for a moment and smiled softly realizing he was waiting for her verdict.

“Relax Jake,” she said and he sighed. She returned to reading the story and then smiled even more on a description of Neelix. When through, she placed the padd on the table and leaned back in the chair, he turned to her.

“Well?” he asked, after a long moment.

“What did your editor think?” she asked, not answering the question.

Jake shrugged, “he thinks it’s the best thing I’ve written.”

Kathryn trailed her finger along the tabletop and smiled slightly at him, “then I think it’s wonderful.”

“You do?” he said, shocked.

She nodded, “yes, I do.” He walked over and sat down facing her, “you told it like I said and I do appreciate that.”

“Is it okay to continue the interview?” he asked.

Kathryn smirked, “I was planning to tell you more Jake,” he sighed. “Long as you write the next part with - ” and paused in thought. “A little heart.”

He was confused at her suggestion, “heart?” She stared at him, “Kathryn, you don’t want me to lie, do you?”

“No,” she said simply, and then sighed, “I want to also be seen as a woman, not just a captain of a lost crew.”

“Was there a time you,” he asked, “felt like one?” She stared at him. “What I mean is, you were on call 24 hours a day - ”

“Yes, I did,” she said softly, “although those occasions were rare.”

“When did you feel like that?”

“For a few months,” she replied, “in our second year, once or twice in our third, a couple of times in our fifth and sixth and once in the last year.”

Jake was quiet with this information, but something was bothering her. He wanted to help her, but didn’t want to seem nosy because of the story. Perhaps now she’d be willing to talk about Chakotay. “I’ll do my best,” he told her and then sighed, “Kathryn, I know what you said earlier about Chakotay, but I was curious what it was like taking a Maquis rebel on board as your first officer? There had to be a lot of tension and frustrations there.”

Kathryn forced her tears back as she attempted to talk about the man she let get away. After a moment, she sighed, “in the beginning, there was a lot of tension. Not just between myself and Chakotay, but both crews. It came down to trusting each other and that fights or mutinies wouldn’t break out.

“During those first couple of months,” she continued, “he tried getting me to promote some of his people to important roles on board. I think the most significant was B’Elanna.”

“But,” Jake said, “you wanted Joe Carey -”

“He was Starfleet,” she replied simply, “and all B’Elanna had was two years of the academy under her belt. She also had a very short temper and for a Klingon, it wasn’t too surprising.”

“So what convinced you,” he asked, “to promote her to chief engineer?”

“We encountered a nebula,” she replied, “or at least that’s what we thought it was at the time. It turned out it was a life form and we were stuck in the middle and had to get out. So, Chakotay insisted I let B’Elanna in on our meeting about it. I agreed to see what she’d do.” She smiled, “needless to say, he was right. Not only did she offer a solution I should have thought of myself, but she pulled it off!” Jake nodded with a chuckle, “after that, I never doubted a word he said, although I had my own opinions at the time.”

“Were you ever friends?”

She smiled sadly, “yes, we became very good friends.”

“You sound like that’s a bad thing,” he commented.

“Oh no,” she replied, her voice still soft. “When you’re a captain of a starship, Command School teaches you to keep a distance with your crew. Although that ‘rule’ never really applied to us out there, we just had each other. As the years happened, I found myself closer to others, especially on the senior staff.”

“And Chakotay?” he asked curiously.

She looked at him, her eyes bright with tears and her throat felt tight. She reached up too gently stroke the tightness from her throat and swallowed, attempting to ease the tension. “He...became the best first officer a captain...could have and my...best friend.” She quieted, then sighed, “there were times he became my conscious and Tuvok was always my logic. Chakotay - ” she stopped in thought, “I valued his friendship and companionship, more than he ever thought.”

He watched her wipe the slight wetness beneath her eyes. “Kathryn, did you ever tell him?” She stared at him, “did you ever tell him how much he meant to you?”

“In different ways,” she replied with a shrug, “but, not as direct as I should have.” She was quiet as he waited, “we reached a level of understanding, you know? Where words weren’t necessary most times. He knew how I felt and respected that.”

Jake then leaned forward, “are you sure he knew Kathryn?”

She glanced away, then sighed, “how about we take this in the living room?” He nodded, she stood up with him and they walked out into the living room. The storm had apparently moved back and it was raining harder. She walked around turning on the lamps in the sitting area. “I really wish this rain would stop,” she said. They sat down each in an armchair, and she saw him pick up a framed portrait taken of the crew sometime in the sixth year. “That was taken at our party when Reg contacted us for the first time.”

Jake studied the group shot, noticing how close she and Chakotay were standing together. All had a glass of champagne and were grouped closely. He stared at both her and Chakotay and saw the subtle way his arm was brushing hers. He wondered if she saw it and kept that one separate from the rest.

He gently placed the picture back down on the table and leaned back in his chair. “So, what else did the crew do for entertainment, except for using the holodeck for pool playing and holonovels?”

“We did lots of things,” she replied and smirked studying him. “Okay, you have you been talking to this time?”

“Nobody -” he said.

“Jake -” she said, with a warning tone.

He sighed after a moment, “all right, about a year ago the Doctor was telling me about the talent nights and recitals held.” She then rolled her eyes, “he told me how you once performed a ‘Swan Lake’ routine?”

“That was our first show!” she said with a laugh. “Neelix asked me to perform and convinced me it’d be good for the crew to see me perform. I had told him I didn’t know what to do, he then made me think of something, hence the swan act.”

“Did Chakotay perform?”

“No,” she said, with a sigh. “He put his foot down there. Although I suggested using a phaser to fire at an apple off my head.” Jake chuckled, she did as well, remembering how good it was back then. “Of course, he told me if he missed, he’d be captain - ” she sighed thoughtfully. “Those were good times, when we were really close.”

Jake nodded, then sighed, “in your opinion, when did the crew become a family?”

Kathryn thought for a moment, “I’d have to say early on in our third year when Seska stranded us on Hanon IV. In order to survive, we became fiercely protective of each other.” She paused in thought, “and I became very protective of them.” She looked at him, “I wanted to get them home so deeply.”

“Are you happy you finally did?” he asked.

Kathryn then thought back to what her counterpart’s history was. Everything from Tuvok’s illness to Chakotay and Seven’s marriage and what was now different. Not much, since she didn’t change much except for Tuvok and the lack of bitterness in her. Now, she was depressed.

“Yes,” she said finally. “It was worth seeing my crew reunited with their families again. I got to see my mother before she died. And, it made my choice easier.”

“What choice was that?” Jake asked.

“The person I am today,” she replied simply. She heard the thunder roll in and saw some lightening flash with the new storm. She sighed, “Jake, I think you’d better spend the night. I don’t want you walking back to the transport station in this.”

Jake heard the rain fall heavier and heard the thunder roll again. He was grateful she offered, since he dreaded walking back to the transport station as close as it was. “I don’t want to impose -” he said.

Kathryn shook her head, “nonsense. I’ve got plenty of room.”

“Thanks,” he said, “I will.” He sighed, “I should let my wife know -”

She stood up, “come on, my office is this way,” he stood up following her out into the foyer and to another doorway just off the staircase. She opened the wooden door revealing a small office with a hand carved wooden desk, shelves of books, a small sofa on the other side and a soft rug. “This was my father’s. I’ve pretty much kept it like he had, except I added a few of my own things. The computer is on the desk.

“Once you’re done,” she continued, “you can use the guest room upstairs, the last door on the right. It’s open.”

“Thanks,” he replied, with a nod. “I can work on the story as well.”

Kathryn smiled, “by all means. I’ll start dinner and let you know when it’s ready.” She turned and left him alone.

=/\=

Jake entered the office walking over to the desk and sat down in the comfortable high-backed chair. He turned on the computer and called his wife to let her know he was staying there for the night due to the storm and would be home in the morning. She told him she understood and asked him to give Kathryn her greetings and then bid farewell.

After that, he took a moment to gaze around her private office. On her desk, besides her computer, were a few framed portraits of her family, including her niece and nephews, her parents and one of the crew, also a separate one of Chakotay taken sometime during their years in the Delta Quadrant.

He was standing dressed in a formal jacket of sorts with a friendly smile. Chakotay looked happy and relaxed. As Jake studied it, he could tell from the background it was the messhall. It was obvious this shot had been taken during some social event on board. He guessed it was one of Kathryn’s personal favorites of him. He wondered if Chakotay knew she had this picture of him.

He then realized he didn’t want her to think he was going through her belongings and being too curious. He could start to smell the scent of dinner and wanted to get comfortable with beginning the next part of the story. He then made sure her computer was off, stood up and walked out to the living room to collect his padd and went upstairs to the room she told him of.

=/\=

Jake was just starting to work on the story at the desk provided in the guest room when Kathryn called him down for dinner. He stopped and joined her downstairs where they dined over a chicken and rice dish with vegetables.

She made sure he was comfortable in the guest room and let him know she didn’t mind the company that evening.

They didn’t talk about Voyager that night. Instead, they talked about his life on DS9 and his own family and son. Kathryn was happy that he was leading a fulfilling life. After they ate and cleaned up from dinner, they played a round of cards.

The storm was still brewing, since it was pouring out again. Jake thanked her again for letting him stay, because he knew he’d be soaked before he reached the road if he had to walk to the transport station that night.

Once they finished the game, they said goodnight and went to their appropriate rooms.

Much later that night, while he sat writing still, the house was quiet except for the sound of the rain and occasional thunder heard. However, in the din of it all, he heard her get up and walk out of her bedroom and go downstairs.

He figured she was getting a glass of water or something, but then realized she was gone longer than should be. It now had been over 15 minutes and she still hadn’t returned to her bedroom.

Concerned, he stood up pulling on his shirt and opened the bedroom door heading downstairs. He walked quietly through the dark house until he found her sitting in a corner of the sofa holding a glass and gazing at the picture of herself and Chakotay she had removed from the wall.

She was dressed in a white cotton, full-length nightgown wearing a matching robe and her hair was pulled back in a clip. He heard a sniff and realized she was crying. His heart went out to her, but he wasn’t sure if he should disturb her by letting her know he was there.

Kathryn obviously needed someone and he wanted to help. Jake quietly entered the living room, “Kathryn -”

She gasped and turned finding him standing just inside the room. Quickly wiping her face she said, “Jake - did I wake you?”

He shook his head, “no, I wasn’t sleeping.” He headed over to her and sat down next to her on the sofa. “I heard you get up and wondered if you were okay?”

She stared at him attempting to force her sadness back, but for some reason tonight, it wasn’t working. She was grateful he was there, and his presence was comforting. She sighed, “you don’t want to hear an old woman’s regrets Jake,” she shook her head.

“Kathryn,” he said gently, “you’re not that old,” she then shrugged. “For a woman in her mid-sixties, you look wonderful.”

“I look old,” she stated simply and took a sip of the amber liquid in the glass. 

He sighed, but knowing she wasn’t in the mood to listen. He had a feeling he knew what she was upset about, due to the picture she was gazing longingly at. “Kathryn,” he said gently, “I know I’m being a bit personal, but did you ever tell Chakotay you were in love with him?”

She looked away, “what are you talking about?” she asked flatly.

“In the time I’ve known you,” he replied, “and from everything you’ve said about him, it’s been obvious.” She smirked and wiped at more tears, “have you ever told him?”

She groaned, “it’s no use! I can’t hide anything from you. Same with Chakotay, he could read me like a book.” She paused a moment in thought, then sighed, “no, I never told him. When he started seeing Seven shortly before we came home, I knew there wasn’t a point.”

“Why?”

“Why put that pressure on him?” she asked simply, amidst the tears. She sniffed and whimpered, “but part of me wishes...I did.”

“Then he might not,” he said, “have married Seven?” She nodded, he sighed, “did you think he was going to marry her anyway?”

“I don’t know anymore!” she replied tearfully. “I don’t know anything anymore.” She trembled, “all I know is, I let the one man in my life go. And, I...” she stopped, “lost my spirit forever.”

“Kathryn -” he said gently, he moved closer to her placing his hand on her shoulder. She didn’t pull away, but just shudder under his touch. “He had to have loved you.”

“I would like to think so,” she whispered, “but now, I’ll never know. It’s been years since I’ve seen him.” She was crying openly now and couldn’t stop. She suddenly felt relief in her tears. Suddenly she felt Jake’s arms around her shoulders and his gentleness absorbed into her. She allowed herself to lean into him some as he held her gently.

As Jake held her, he wanted to tell her that Chakotay and Seven had divorced 10 years before. He knew it wasn’t his place to do that. They sat there and he waited for her to calm. After several minutes she started to collect herself and he waited until he heard her quiet.

“Kathryn,” he said softly, “when is the last time you spoke with him?”

She sighed, “maybe seven years ago, briefly at one of the reunions. At that time he was going on some extended archeology dig and I haven’t heard from him since.” She shook her head, “I don’t know where he is now.”

Jake patted her arm gently, “I’m sure he thinks often of you.”

“Maybe,” she replied softly and then turned to him meeting his eyes. “Thank you, Jake. I really needed that,” a soft smile formed.

“I wanted to help,” he said gently.

Kathryn sighed, “now only if I were 20 years younger,” and he chuckled, she laughed as well. “I think we both should get back to bed,” and gazed outside at the blackness beyond. “Sounds like the storm’s finally letting up, hopefully it’ll be sunny tomorrow.”

“That’d be good,” he agreed and pulled away letting her stand. He did as well and they walked out of the living room and headed upstairs. Jake knew he had what he needed to finish the story and didn’t intend to sleep until he did.

The next morning, they both woke to the sky clearing as the clouds started to roll back revealing a deep blue sky and bright sun. Although the outside was soaked with the constant rain, it looked as if it’d dry up soon since the temperature was rising again.

Kathryn made them both breakfast and as he sat with her, he noticed a new calmness to her and how she suddenly looked peaceful. That’s when he told her he had completed the story and depending on a rewrite, and it’d probably run in the next two months, per her approval.

She told him she couldn’t wait to get the final draft from him and thanked him again for being there when she needed it.

After breakfast, she gave him his raincoat and he took his padd pocketing it. He thanked her for her hospitality and told her he’d send her the finished version in the next few days. She told him she’d look forward to it, and he kissed her gently on the side of her face and left.

Kathryn watched him leave with a soft smile on her face and when he was down the road, gently closed her door.

Two Months Later

From Subspace (USS) - “...Captain Janeway became close to all her crewmembers and staff during their seven years in the Delta Quadrant. Despite Starfleet protocol and Command School teachings, she forged especially close relationships with her senior staff, whom she considered as close to a family she had. Her closest, being with her first officer, Commander Chakotay, whom she valued and found him one of the best first officer’s and best friend she ever had, has a special place in her heart, even today.

‘We reached a level of understanding,’ she commented. ‘Where words weren’t necessary most times. He knew how I felt and respected that.’ Then added, ‘he became my conscious.’ Even though her crew was several thousand of light years from home, she kept a distance to protect herself and the crew. Despite it all, her heart was affected when her family got hurt or worse.

Sometimes being a Starfleet captain is difficult and lonely, but when the only one around in a far off quadrant, the heart still interfered.”

Chakotay’s hand dropped to his side that was holding the padd he was reading on Kathryn’s interview. He was speechless on how she had described their relationship and what she had felt for him. Still felt for him?

He wasn’t sure how to respond to this. He knew when he first started dating Seven that he still loved Kathryn. But she had been so detached from him for more than two years, he wasn’t sure if she even loved him anymore. Once she had married him and Seven, he was sure he’d seen a flicker of pain in her eyes when she congratulated him at the reception.

Then suddenly after talking to B’Elanna for a few moments, he turned to talk to her again, and she was gone. Without trying to look too obvious to Seven, he had scanned the room searching for her and coming up empty.

After that, he saw her once a year at the reunion where they spoke for a few minutes as she mingled with everyone in the room.

His marriage to Seven in the beginning was like being in a dream. They loved each other and Seven had grown some since joining the crew. As each year passed, Seven stopped growing emotionally. He knew she loved him, but he wasn’t sure if she were still in love with him. Seven had been involved with the Pathfinder Project since their return. She had taken time off for their honeymoon - something she couldn’t understand why a newly married couple needed to do that - and the moment they returned, plunged straight into her work at the project.

As much as he worked at it, he suddenly started to become the neglected husband within a year. She was hardly home and when she did come home, he was too tired from his work as a tactics instructor at the academy or just tired for waiting for her to come home. He attempted to show her romance and treat her to homemade meals. Her appreciation only went so far and soon he felt she no longer cared in what he did.

Then their sex life started to drop off and soon fizzled to nothing. That’s when he started to miss, really miss Kathryn.

After almost five years of marriage, he filed for divorce before Christmas and told Seven the day after New Year’s. She didn’t blink much to his news and left the room. He tried to explain to her why he did it, but she had closed herself off to him by that point.

He then found a new apartment and moved out within the week while she was working. After that, he resigned his job at the academy and joined an archeological team with the Smithsonian Institute leaving Earth for several years and missing the Voyager reunions.

Once his stint ended with the team, he briefly returned to Earth to visit a Pueblo tribal leader who had contacted him months before regarding the option to relocate to Dorvan Five and rebuild the settlement.

Chakotay felt an immediate kinship with the leader and found that close to a hundred tribe members wanted to relocate to Dorvan Five. He took him up on the offer, collected his own belongings and per arrangement with Starfleet, had the entire group transported to the planet on a Galaxy-class starship.

Rebuilding Dorvan was difficult in the beginning, since winter was setting in and they needed enough housing completed so everyone would be warm. Chakotay was marveled at how the entire group worked together to get the settlement functional before the first snow fell. Just as they completed the last house and stocked the large food storage, the first snow fell.

He sat that night in his house before a roaring fire in his fireplace content with his new life. But, he wasn’t completely alone, since his portrait of Kathryn taken in the Delta Quadrant sat directly in front of him on the mantle.

He had been tempted to call her and let her know where he was now and to invite her to see the settlement, but he didn’t. Since he wasn’t sure if she’d come or not. He never called her, but now, with this new story, he was finally ready to. As he sat before his computer ready to do so, he then decided to just take a trip and go see her. She would be surprised at his visit and he hoped happy.

So, he booked the next transport to Earth and would arrive in the next few weeks.

Indiana  
Two Weeks Later

Chakotay walked down the road from the transport station to the Janeway house carrying his one duffle bag. The day was bright and warm and he had arrived at Earth the day before. After spending the night at a hotel, he had a light breakfast and went to a jewelry store to buy Kathryn a gift. He had settled on a delicate gold bracelet that had engravings on it with seven diamonds embedded in it. The diamonds depicted their years together in the Delta Quadrant. He had them wrap it and put it in the duffle and caught the next transport to Bloomington and then beamed over to the nearest station near her.

Now, the house loomed before him and he felt how nervous he was to actually seeing her again. Forcing himself to move, he walked up to the walkway and down to the porch. It was quiet and he wasn’t even sure if she were home. Stepping up onto the porch and walking over to the front door, he knocked. There wasn’t any answer. He put down his bag and knocked again. There still wasn’t any answer, so he peered through the window to see if she was there. A window somewhere else was open and he was sure he saw a light on somewhere. He then straightened and heard a noise nearby.

Curious, he moved away from the door and heard a curse from behind the house. He stepped down from the porch and walked around toward the second yellow rose-covered arch on the side of the house.

Once he stepped through, he found himself at the edge to her garden. It was as beautiful as described in her interview. He then found her standing over by a lone rose bush dressed in a simple pale yellow dress with pinstripes, yellow flat shoes and wearing a straw hat. He smiled watching her check out a finger and wanted to laugh when she bit her lip and smirked at whatever was bothering her. He had missed that expression on her so much.

That’s when he decided, “what’s wrong Kathryn?”

Kathryn froze not looking up hearing his voice. She stared at her hand and was almost afraid to see if he were really there. She had dreamed of him standing in her garden again, just recently. But this was no dream. He was actually there.

She slowly lifted her head to glance over and saw him staring at her. Her breath caught as her heart thudded in her chest. Their eyes caught and then he smiled gently at her. “I -” she started, her voice breaking as she felt sudden tears sting her eyes.

Chakotay walked casually over to her, his eyes never leaving hers. “What?” he asked softly.

“I just pricked my finger,” she finally said, “on a thorn.” He then stopped before her taking her hand in his.

“Where?” he asked, with a slight smile.

She was trembling as she felt the softness of his hand surrounding hers. She couldn’t take her eyes off him. He was in his early 70s now, but had still retained his looks. His hair was mostly dark, except for a few streaks of gray throughout and a few extra lines around his eyes and nose. His tattoo was still smooth on his forehead and eyes still as dark.

“Here,” she whispered, indicating to her forefinger and he lifted it to his mouth kissing his tenderly. “Chakotay -” he gazed at her, “are you really here?”

“Yes,” he replied.

Kathryn wanted to cry and placed her hand against his face feeling his warmth and a tear escaped sliding down her face. He kissed her hand, “I’ve dreamed of this moment - ” she couldn’t speak and then embraced him tightly beginning to cry softly. Her hat fell off her head and fell to the ground. Chakotay wrapped his arms around her holding her tightly against him. He felt his own tears of joy at their reunion and kissed her hair stroking her back.

“Oh Kathryn,” he whispered, “how I missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too!” she cried, the tears wouldn’t stop she was so happy. They held each other for several more minutes until both needed to drink in each other’s face again. She then looked at him taking his face in her hands as he did the same to her, stroking her tears away. She smiled brightly at him, “I can’t believe you’re here. I was just thinking about you - ”

“Is that why you pricked your finger?”

She nodded with a soft laugh, “yes,” and he chuckled. They stared at each other and he finally decided to do what he wanted to do all those years ago. He lowered his head and kissed her gently. Kathryn felt as if the ground had slipped away from her and she responded wrapping her arms around him in response. After a moment, they embraced happily again. She then pulled slightly away holding his hand, “you look so wonderful - ”

“You’re beautiful,” he said gently, she smiled and he squeezed her hand. “Let’s talk?” She nodded and led him over to the covered swing where they both sat close to each other and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She leaned into him resting her head against his shoulder.

“I still can’t believe you’re here,” she said softly.

He sighed, “I can’t either.”

She glanced over at him, “why did you come? I mean, after all this time -?”

“I read that fabulous interview,” he replied, “on you.” She nodded, “and when I read what you said about me, I had to see you.”

“I’m really happy you’re here,” she said and quieted. Then she sighed, “where are you living now?”

“Back on Dorvan Five,” he replied, and she smiled at him. “Several years ago a Pueblo chief contacted me wanting to settle his tribe on Dorvan. I wanted to go back, but not alone. So this was the perfect opportunity to do it.”

“How many went with you?”

“About 100,” he replied, and then smiled, “now, the settlement has grown to well more than 150.”

“Oh Chakotay,” she said smiling, “I’m so happy for you!” He nodded, “did Seven go with you?”

He sighed realizing she didn’t know, “Seven and I divorced almost 10 years ago.”

“I’m sorry - ” she said.

Chakotay stared at her, “are you really Kathryn?” She then shook her head, he chuckled and leaned over kissing her softly. She responded reaching up stroking his face. Then he gazed at her, “I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long Kathryn - ”

”I’ve waited for you to,” she replied softly.

He reached over sliding his fingers into her soft white hair, “you’re still beautiful after all this time. The years have been good - ”

She shook her head, “no they haven’t. They’ve been so lonely Chakotay - ”

“Not anymore,” he said gently, and he suddenly wanted to bring her back to Dorvan with him.

Kathryn stared at him and then reached over beginning to trace the tattoo. He sat quietly letting her, her touch sending shivers of desire through him. He hadn’t felt this way in so long and suddenly remembered New Earth again and how young they were back then. “Can I tell you something?” she asked.

“You can tell me anything,” he replied.

“It might be a bit late,” she said and glanced down. He waited and then she sighed lifting her head gazing at him. “I love you Chakotay. I’ve - always loved you.” He felt his chest tighten with joy at her confession, as he was hoping she’d actually tell him this. Kathryn didn’t hear him respond, she then figured he didn’t feel the same way after all this time. She shook her head, “I’m sorry Chakotay - ”

“Kathryn,” he said softly, “do you realize how long I’ve been waiting to hear you tell me that?” She shook her head, he then smiled lovingly at her, “for close to 30 years - ” and a sob escaped her. He pulled her closer taking her face in his hands as she started to cry again. “I love you too.”

Her heart ached with his confession and then her affairs of several years ago came back to her. “Oh god - ” she said tearfully.

“What’s wrong?” he asked gently.

“Chakotay,” she whispered, “I can’t tell you how happy I am to hear this,” she shuddered. “A few years ago, after your wedding. I - ” he tenderly stroked her tears away. “I sold my spirit -”

He was confused, “what are you talking about Kathryn -?” She shook her head. “Hey, it’s okay, tell me - ”

“You’ll hate me - ”

“No,” he said gently, concerned for whatever she was trying to tell him. “I’ll never hate you Kathryn. I love you.”

She trembled, “I - met someone that night,” she whispered. “He was much younger and looked so much like you,” she bit her lip pausing. “I - left the bar with him and we got a room -”

That’s when he realized what she was saying, he shook his head, “oh, Kathryn, you needed someone that night and I had just gotten married - ”

She clenched her hand staring at him, “I just wanted him to be you!”

“Oh Kathryn - ” he said gently as she turned away crying. He gently turned her back to him wrapping his arms around her. She slid hers around him burying her face against his shoulder. “It’s okay, my love,” he crooned, “there’s nothing to forgive, I hurt you.”

This was the first time she felt truly loved by him, she sighed wiping her eyes, “I saw him for eight years,” she said softly, “every other weekend -”

Chakotay grinned at this news, he chuckled, “I guess he was quite good then?” She laughed, he held her tighter, “do you think I can compete?”

Kathryn then burst out laughing again, she lifted her head looking at him, “oh, I think you might stand a chance.” He kissed her again, she responded happily and then looked at him, “I’m hungry, are you?”

“Only for you,” he replied with a soft smile and he chuckled when a blush crept up her face. “I love you Kathryn.” He sighed, “but yes, I am.”

“Come on,” she said standing and took his hand. “Let’s get some lunch,” he stood up and she led him into the house.

=/\=

They ate some handmade sandwiches with lemonade for lunch and then she showed him the house. He spotted her pictures and they talked of their past crew.

When it was time for dinner, they proceeded to the kitchen to make dinner. He told her he wanted to cook for her and she relented, but told him she’d make the salad.

While he cooked some pasta, she set the table and poured their wine. One moment, he turned to watch her as she set the table and he smiled. Taking a moment, he stepped quietly over behind her wrapping his arms around her waist. She sighed leaning against him as he kissed the nape of her neck.

Kathryn stood there as they soaked in the feel of each other. She sighed, “dinner almost ready?”

He nodded, “yes, a few more minutes,” and she turned into his arms as they stared at each other. He then kissed her deeply and gently. She responded clinging to him and he slid his hand down to the curve of her backside, pressing her closer to him. He felt his arousal build and she trembled against him. A moment later, he gazed at her, “are you sure you want dinner first?”

Kathryn smiled up at him, “what about you?”

He chuckled and glanced over at the stove where the pasta waited. Then he looked back at her with a seductive glint in his eye, “I’d rather work up to a bigger appetite -”

“ - Chakotay!” she exclaimed surprised and he kissed her again deeply opening her mouth to his. She moaned responding and let him walk her over to the stove where he turned off the fire beneath the pot. He then turned her up against the nearest wall as she clung to him. He began to kiss her face gently, she whispered, “oh - are you sure you remember how?”

Chakotay smiled at her, he began to trace her face with his fingertip. “Oh yes, it’s like riding a bike Kathryn,” he slid a hand lower and stroked her over her skirt. She gasped feeling the warmth spread throughout her. “Do you?”

That’s when she made up her mind, and she kissed him again pressing herself against him. He responded and then she groaned, “the bedroom’s upstairs,” he pulled away enough to let her lead him upstairs to her bedroom.

=/\=

They made love for the first time with such tenderness and passion, she cried in his arms when she came as he held her. Afterwards, she lay curled beside him just covered in the bed sheet as he stroked her back. “Not too bad,” she quipped lazily, “for a couple of seniors, huh?”

Chakotay chuckled, “I have no complaints,” she laughed softly. He then sighed, “so, how’d I compete?”

Kathryn lifted her head gazing at him, she smiled, “still deciding -”

“ - Kathryn!” he said shocked and she sat up beside him in the sheet. They stared at each other, “what else do I need to do?”

She smirked and then shook her head, “oh no, not you,” her voice was deep and husky. She then lifted herself up and straddled him, he was surprised with her agility at her age, but didn’t say anything as he took her hands supporting her and admired her body above his. “Just - follow my lead,” she commanded him and he sat up kissing her passionately. She responded and they made passionate love.

Much later that night, they sat up in bed against the headboard of her four-poster bed with her curled beside him. She was tracing imaginary circles on his bare chest while he ran his fingers gently up her back.

“Hungry?” she asked softly.

Chakotay glanced down at her in the moonlight, he smiled, “that pasta’s history,” she smiled with a shrug. “We had other things in mind -”

“I know,” she said with a soft moan placing a kiss on his chest and wrapping her arms around his chest. As they sat holding each other, she sighed, “I’m so happy Chakotay.”

“So am I,” he said. “When I showed up here today, I didn’t expect this.”

She glanced up at him, “I didn’t expect you,” he leaned down kissing her tenderly, she responded. A moment later she stared up at him, “I love you.”

“I love you,” he replied lovingly, she slid her hand up cupping his face. He kissed her hand, “how would you like to come back to Dorvan with me?”

“I’d love to,” she said. “When?”

He chuckled, “in a few days. I think we should stay here.” She nodded, “Kathryn, what would you say to the idea of us getting married?”

She blinked at his question and then sat up some staring down at him, “married?” He nodded, her heart skipped a beat and eyes burned with tears. Her lip trembled, “yes, Chakotay, yes.”

“Yes?” he asked, she nodded and they embraced happily. He then rolled over against her and kissed her deeply and gently.

“Yes,” she whispered again, between kisses. Then she laughed softly, “you have enough energy -?”

“Plenty,” he replied, sliding his hands down her.

“You sure you’re not hungry?”

Chakotay chuckled as he slowly started kissing down her body as he pulled the sheet from between them, “I think we can wait until breakfast, don’t you?”

She slid her legs around his hips groaning, “oh yes,” and let him continue to make love to her again.

The next morning over breakfast, after cleaning up from the night before, he gave her the bracelet and promised a ring before they left for Dorvan the next week.

They married in a simple ceremony with a nearby justice of the peace right before leaving. Just before they left for Dorvan, Kathryn called Jake to tell him the news. Jake congratulated her and with her permission, wrote up the wedding announcement. He then told Roberto who smiled happy for Kathryn, now that she had found and married the love of her life, after so many years.

The announcement appeared in the next issue the following day. By then, Chakotay and Kathryn were already on their way to Dorvan Five.

She never returned to Earth again, except to close up her parent’s house.

Life for Kathryn Janeway had come full circle, which was now made of a simple band of gold. At the end of that circle, was a man named Chakotay.

END  
Feedback Would Be Appreciated


End file.
